Clarify your goals before a crucial conversation

Assess your goals before the conversation.
This is the easiest step because you usually know what you want before the conversation starts. You might want a promotion or a raise, or maybe you want to deal with a problem in your relationship so you can prevent arguments. Knowing what you want out of the conversation helps you lay out information clearly.

Continue to be aware of your goals as the conversation unfolds.
You may not realize it, but your goals can change during a conversation. For example, if your boss tells you that you haven’t done enough work to merit a raise, you may feel hurt. Suddenly, you are arguing back and complaining about coworkers' poor performance. Are you still aiming to get a raise, or are you aiming to boost your self-worth and prove something to your boss? It’s important that you are aware of your goals during the conversation so you can tell when this is happening.

Ask yourself questions to refocus.
If you notice that your goals in the conversation have changed, you need to refocus and get back on track to continue building a healthy dialogue. Do this by asking yourself these questions:
 - What do I really want for myself?
 - What do I really want for others?
 - What do I really want for the relationship?