Change your Anxious Attachment Style to something healthier


  1. Learn to identify deactivating strategies.
    When dating someone you are excited about and then suddenly you start thinking they are not right for you, stop and think. Is this a deactivating strategy? Don’t act on your impulse. 
  2. Focus on mutual support. 
    When you stop pushing away your significant other, he/she will feel a sense of safety in your relationship. So, next time your partner tries to open up and talk about their feelings, try to listen and be receptive to their needs, as well. 
  3. Find a secure partner.
    People with a secure attachment style tend to make their avoidant partners more secure. When you're in a relationship with a secure partner, you’ll have less defensiveness, fighting, and anguish.
  4.  Stop misinterpreting behaviors.
    Your negative perspective over your partner’s intentions will only harm your connection. Recognize this pattern and notice when it happens. Remind yourself that this is the partner you chose and he/she has your best interests at heart.
  5. Make a relationship gratitude list.
    Start noticing the positives in your partner and keep them in mind. Making a short list will remind you of their qualities and why you’re grateful they’re in your life. 
  6. Stop fantasizing about your “phantom ex”. 
    “When you find yourself idealizing that one special ex-partner, remind yourself that he or she is not (and never was) a viable option. 
  7. Forget about meeting “the one”.
    Don’t wait until “the one” who fits your checklist shows up and hope everything falls into place. If someone is right for you, you still have to work on your relationship. 
  8. Adopt the distraction strategy. 
    Focusing on other things—taking a hike, going to the beach, or preparing a meal together—will allow you to let your guard down and access your loving feelings towards your partner. Use this little trick to promote intimacy in your time together.


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